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Wednesday, 18 November 2009

I'm a little irritated. No. I'm a lot irritated. I mean I may as well be honest. I'm the only person I know that reads this anyway. Sometimes I just feel like I work and work at this relationship and he just floats on through via the hard work I put in. I love my boyfriend, but there are times when I just want him to get outside of how HE feels, or what HE wants.

I want him to be excited to talk to me. I WANT TO FEEL IMPORTANT AND I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL. I don't think my desire is unusual or irrational. I want to hear him at least ACT genuinely interested in my day . . . ugh. That makes me sad. I want him to act interested. Is that because in all reality, he isn't interested? *sighs*

When he acts disinterested or irritated because I want to talk to him, it makes me feel like he isn't interested in ME anymore. I was thinking tonight while I was driving. I'm a good girlfriend. And he's an amazing man, but I feel like I am a good girlfriend sometimes because I'm hoping to inspire him to be the same way.

I don't ask for much, really. Touch me, compliment me from time to time. Text me and say you love me, and don't just do it when you've had a few beers. Encourage me.

I hate it when something triggers these thoughts. I hate it.

Monday, 07 September 2009

I'm sitting at the desk in the main building of where I work and am wondering why it seems like I am the only peson working today? I wish I was at my parents' house, hanging out with my mom, going shopping, or in Fayetteville hanging out with Derek.

This past weekend was the best weekend I've had in a long time. I felt so wanted. Derek and I clicked. We hung out, laughed, kissed, snuggled, watched a movie, shopped . . .we had a great time. I can recount the moments that stick out to me most. He said my name. I love it when he says my name. He grinned when I made jokes because he was listening to me. He hugged me. He made eye contact with me when we were in bed. It was amazing. I love being with him. And last night, before I left, as I was sitting next to him on the couch, he leaned over and held me. I almost cried, but I was able to hold it together.

It honestly doesn't take much to make me happy. I'm in a place where I am really appreciating him. I love that although it feels like I can never call him and get an answer, he always, always calls me. Rarely a day goes by that he doesn't call me. That makes me feel good. He talked about his desire for kids in the future (future being the operative word here!) and that made me feel good about us, too. I don't doubt that he's the man I will one day marry (although I am not looking to get married anytime soon). I like that we are just taking our time, enjoying getting to know each other more and more, and having fun. It doesn't get better than this.

:)

Monday, 24 August 2009

I know why I'm enjoying this job more than my last job. I feel successful and productive here, whereas at my last job, I just felt like a mouse running in a wheel. The view never changed; the challenges never changed; in fact, there weren't many challenges. I felt like most of my days were spent not doing much. While having free time was nice, having free time most of the time was just anti-motivational. I felt like I had no motivation to do anything. It was mundane and anticlimactic.

I volunteered for the Hearing Board today. I volunteered to help take kids to and from the school in which they tutor. I feel like I have a purpose here. It's awesome!

Monday, 17 August 2009

Ok, I'm starting to freak out in my head. I feel like Derek doesn't want to talk to me. He posted something on facebook about the same time I tried calling him. I've tried him twice today and have received no answer. I text messaged him, too, and got no response. I am feeling ignored and like I am not a priority. It would be different if I were sitting in the apartment of the residence hall next to his, but I've not only not seen him in 2 weeks, but we haven't really "talked" in a few days. I don't like this. If this is how it's going to be, I can't do this.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

In the 5 years I worked in housing and residence life, I don't think I've ever been this happy or excited on move in day. Whereas I am still finding my coworkers a little ehh at times, I really am enjoying my job (note: this may change after this evening when I'm on duty).

I'm lucky because one of the parents of a child on my hall is an alum (and apparently a "big deal") so we have someone to be our hall parent. I believe she will be extra helpful and very involved and honestly, I don't get the feeling that money is an issue at all. It's pretty nice.

All of my parents were pleasant and the ones who are parents of former students were extremely helpful. Although I had to talk for an hour, they were attentive and it was kinda fun. I can't complain. I'm pretty excited about the year! I feel well supported and understood.

I networked a little yesterday. Since Mike is in charge of the SLIs that teach, I set up a meeting and asked him what I need to do to put myself in position to be competitive for a teaching position next fall. Since he kind of plays favorites, it definitely helps that he likes me.

I wish Derek was here. He'd be so successful and happy, I think. He's successful at MU but it's kinda hard not to shine when all the people around you are dull. I just think he would enjoy the atmosphere, the programming, the creativity, and the job itself.